REPUBLICAN NATIONAL COMMITTEE
CONVENTION SCHEDULE
New York, NY
06:00 PM Opening Prayer led by the Reverend Jerry Fallwell
06:30 PM Pledge of Allegiance
06:35 PM Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd amendment)
06:45 PM Salute to the Coalition of the Willing
06:46 PM Seminar #1 "Getting your kid a military deferment"
07:30 PM First Presidential Beer Bong
07:35 PM Serve Freedom Fries
07:40 PM EPA Address #1: Mercury, it's what's for dinner.
08:00 PM Vote on which country to invade next
08:10 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh
08:15 PM John Ashcroft Lecture: The Homos are after your children
08:30 PM Round table discussion on reproductive rights (MEN only)
08:50 PM Seminar #2 Corporations: The government of the future
09:00 PM Condi Rice sings "Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man"
09:05 PM Second Presidential Beer Bong
09:10 PM EPA Address #2 Trees: The real cause of forest fires
09:30 PM Break for secret meetings
10:00 PM Second prayer led by Cal Thomas
10:15 PM Lecture by Carl Rove: Doublespeak made easy
10:30 PM Rumsfeld demonstration of how to squint and talk macho
10:35 PM Bush demonstration of trademark "deer in headlights" stare.
10:40 PM John Ashcroft demonstrates new mandatory kevlar chastity belt
10:45 PM Clarence Thomas reads list of black republicans
10:46 PM Third Presidential Beer Bong
10:50 PM Seminar #3 Education: a drain on our nation's economy.
11:10 PM Hilary Clinton Pi?±ata
11:20 PM Second Lecture by John Ashcroft: "Evolutionists--The dangerous new cult"
11:30 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again.
11:35 PM Blame Clinton
11:40 PM Laura serves milk and cookies
11:50 PM Closing Prayer led by Jesus Himself
12:00 PM Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary Leader
